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How to protect your child from addiction. Bedtime story - a special world of relationships between parents and children

“I have always been very active, especially in my childhood,” says Oleg, 33 years old, “I remember the boys and I kicked a ball from morning to night, ran around the whole area in search of treasures, drew maps, built huts. Yes, the time came when I found out what a console was, but I was no longer a boy. I can still afford to spend an evening playing computer games, but I do it extremely rarely. free time I want to communicate with my son. And he wants to sit at the computer.

I look at my 10-year-old child and understand that he has no childhood, he won’t even have anything to remember. Is it possible, sitting at your computer from morning to evening, to feel the unbridled joy that covers you when you score a real goal on a real football field? I look at other children - they are also not the same anymore, they simply don’t want to go outside. I tried to interest my son in playing the guitar and sports. Yes, he goes swimming, but he doesn’t want more. He doesn't want anything at all, just to play. I don’t know what to do with him.”

The mother of 12-year-old Kirill, Alevtina, told a similar story:

Computer addiction - a big problem many parents and children. How to deal with it? How to prevent computer addiction? Goltsberg Ekaterina Aleksandrovna, practicing psychologist MS, talks about this Dobrobut:

Here we need to clarify that by computer we mean not only stationary standing at home A PC, but also a laptop, tablet, mobile phone or game console, which, by the way, become addictive much faster due to their mobility and the ability to take them with you everywhere. Sometimes parents deliberately give their child, for example, a console to school, accompanying this with the words: don’t run around during recess, but rather sit and play. And this is absolutely wrong, because during recess at school, the child should move as much as possible in order to then be able to absorb the material of the next lesson. But, alas, few parents know about this, although they are already aware of the dangers of computer addiction.

Therefore, it is important to adhere to certain rules in your relationship with the computer. One of them is called "39ndash;69ndash;99ndash;29.

Parents must make their own choice. If you want to change your child, it is important to try to change yourself. But no material difficulties justify our transformation into money-making machines. And there is also parental guilt in the fact that the computer has become the best friend of many children.

A child and a computer: how to return him to the real world? 6 tips

What do computer games give? Pleasure, self-esteem, addiction.

“My child has a computer addiction”, “He just has tantrums as soon as we ask him to finish the game”, “He is not interested in anything except games, is this normal?” — psychologists are increasingly hearing from parents. What do children find in computer games? Is it possible to return them to the real world? The author of a popular book advises.

The developmental conditions of modern children have changed so radically that even talented teachers and very loving parents find it difficult to adapt. All world education systems did not take into account the possibility of children escaping into imaginary worlds. Having received a classical education, we are confident that this is what a child should be given. Books first, and then the computer. The computer today is replacing not only books, but also living people.

In the upbringing of “computer” children, three main “hot spots” can be noted.

Initially, they have incorrectly formed attitudes towards the computer. Buying a new “car” is still so significant for a child and burdensome for a family that this in itself increases its weight. Despite the fact that a computer and everything connected with it is just a man-made device.
Having bought a computer, we most often leave the child alone with it, using the opportunity to relax. I am a supporter of the mediation of any child’s activity by an adult, at least at the first stage. This means that in any new situation the parent must explain to the child how to behave better (become a competent mediator). “Do we really have to not only earn money and buy this expensive toy, but also to play with the child? - parents ask. Exactly.
No one follows the norms of working at the computer, but sometimes something like “Saturday vice” is arranged. The computer turns off, and the child is reminded who is boss.

Situation 1. Computer and discipline

Six-year-old Olya can “work” on a computer just like her programmer dad. She writes letters on it, draws, plays. But Olya’s parents are still in favor of a reasonable limitation of “computer” time. The grandmother, who came to visit, discovered that the girl did not draw with pencils or paints, did not sculpt, and did not read books. And she has obvious speech therapy problems - Olya does not pronounce “R” and “Sh”.

The child categorically refused to draw on paper, explaining that she was doing it on the computer. Dad intervened in the conflict: “Olya is a modern child, she needs a computer!” And then the grandmother decided to restore order by limiting Olya’s time in front of the display to half an hour. Exactly 30 minutes later, she loudly demanded to turn off the computer immediately, or else: “I will punish you!” And I will punish your dad so that he doesn’t protect him!” For a kindergarten psychologist, this situation has long become typical.

Psychologist's comment. Aggressive interruption of play leaves a much more serious mark on a child's psyche than we might think. From the child's point of view, the parent does not love him or understand him if he is not ready to share his joy with him. We, unfortunately, are accustomed to measuring the depth of relationships with people by how sensitive they are to us in difficult circumstances - are they ready to share the misfortune with us? And we, of course, know to ourselves that we will never leave our child in trouble.

But children have a different logic. They accept care as the norm, and love is judged by how involved the parent is in the joyful side of life. Ideal parent for a preschool child - very cheerful and a kind person, Clown or Wizard. You can talk about everything with someone like that and come to an agreement. He is ready to listen to him. He believes him.

Strict grandmother Olya immediately showed herself to be an “evil” character. And who likes to listen to angry people? Olya protested against injustice, in a sense, she fought against evil intentions. Because “to punish for nothing” in a child’s mind is, of course, a crime.

Discipline and play are quite compatible. But adult aggression only embitters the child and creates the effect of “forbidden fruit.” Therefore, firstly, you need to form the correct attitudes even before the game starts: “All children your age play for half an hour,” “Little ones play only with their parents.” Secondly, playing on the computer should have alternative activities: “Besides the computer, we can play Lego!”, “And I really like the way you play the piano. No computer can do that!”

Situation 2. Computers and the need for love

When his parents divorced, Petya was 6 years old. The divorce was initiated by my mother, a strong and not without ambitions woman. As if apologizing for the suffering caused, his mother bought him a computer, deciding to herself: “I will raise a talented child, and no one will say that I am a bad mother!”

Petya accepted the gift with joy, especially since his mother herself encouraged playing on the computer, thereby confirming that she loved her son. It was also easier for Petya to play and not think about anything than to remain in anxious anticipation of worse changes. On weekends he did not see his father, his parents did not communicate with each other at all, and on weekdays his mother was busy. And the computer became something of a surrogate parent.

The woman realized it when the child went to school. By this time, he had lost interest in people and activities at school, which affected his academic performance; his peers seemed boring to him. But Petya no longer expected anything good. He got used to the lack of love and learned to escape by going virtual.

Psychologist's commentary. To whom is a child more attached - to his mother or to the computer? This question sometimes torments parents. We are jealous of the child’s soulless machine, but we are not ready to spend time with him. Previously, a parent was a source of happiness against the backdrop of a rather monotonous reality. Now parents can act as a backdrop for a vibrant, infinitely diverse virtual reality.

Empirical observations show that if a child lacks warm relations in family, love, tenderness, affection, the risk of developing all kinds of addictions, including computer addictions, increases significantly. Pleasure, which can be obtained easily and simply, is just a surrogate human love, which the child does not know how to obtain. Children get stuck at simpler operations if they don't know or can't handle more complex ones. And a computer, despite its complex internal structure, is simple because it is easy to operate. To compete with it, the parent must have a “friendly interface”.

Why do they prefer computers?

One-on-one with a computer, a child gains freedom, which he may lack in real life. Parental controls are removed; ordinary norms of behavior, requiring tension, coordination, and consideration of the interests of others, change to the rules of the game, which are controlled by the child himself. From a dependent performer, he turns into an active player. This illusion of controlling reality is the most powerful motive of computer games.. Especially for boys who seek to expand their capabilities, space and improve their psychological status. They get a chance to become winners in the virtual world.
Games stimulate the imagination to a certain extent, involving children in new active, bright worlds. Unexplored, but clearly effective is hypnotic effect screen technologies. Moving pictures, like any moving objects, can bewitch and attract attention. High concentration on the game is akin to hypnotic immersion in sleep. In this state, time flies unnoticed, and space narrows to the frame of the screen.
Manipulating the computer is easy. The ease with which complex operations are performed is extremely attractive to a child for whom everything is still difficult. It also fascinates some parents whose childhood was spent without a computer. It seems to them that their children are little geniuses and endowed with special abilities. And children are encouraged by a sense of superiority over adults.
Most games are built on the principle of the series: one session ends - another one begins, even more interesting. Game developers try their best to make the game endless so that it can be played over and over again.
The game characters are extremely attractive. It is pleasant to identify with the main character, who moves towards the goal, overcoming difficulties, it is interesting to follow him, and victory almost always awaits him.
A computer game, like any gambling game, is accompanied by the production of hormones. Games are simulators not so much of worlds as of certain vivid experiences, strong emotions. Gaming addiction is a hormonal addiction. If in real life a child does not receive emotions of comparable strength, he will prefer playing on a computer.
Computer games train operational attention and memory. Children love to learn something new and then demonstrate their abilities. They are pleased to feel how quickly skills appear.

How to combine the real and virtual life of a child?

To begin, decide: what does a computer mean in your family, in the life of any person? The coveted prize? An indicator of well-being? Window to the world? Technical assistant? A device that makes life more convenient? The exaggeration of the importance of the computer by adults increases its importance in a child's life. Exaggerated fears of the computer play the same role. By sacralizing the computer, we create an aura of super-significance around it. A calm, almost indifferent attitude towards technology allows you to use it with great intelligence, accuracy and benefit. And most importantly, it will not lead to such a deformation of the value system in which a soulless piece of hardware with wires is deified.
Low self-esteem in a child- this is the basis for the formation of any unwanted addiction. If there are too few pleasant stimuli in life that bring joy, calm, encourage, surprise, make you laugh, inspire, any pleasure, including playing on the computer, can become addictive. This means that, not only exaggerating the importance of the computer, but also underestimating ourselves, our child, we push him to be content with the role of a simple executor of other people's programs, including computer ones. He doesn't need more. A low self-esteem- the result of weak parental love.
The computer will take a special place in a child’s life, if he has no friends and other significant connections with the world. This real problem in the era of individualism and life in large, densely populated cities. If you have at least some opportunity to create conditions for playing together, being in a group of peers, do not miss it.
The standards for a child’s time in front of a screen are approximately as follows. No computers or consoles for children under 3 years of age! At least until 3 years old. Because it is difficult for reality to compete with the virtual world, in which everything uninteresting is filtered out and everything “cool” is collected. After 3 years, play time should be dosed and be a maximum of half an hour, preferably 15 minutes intermittently. You can make a rule: “Computer only on weekends!”, “Either computer or TV!”, “We only play together!”. Such rules are the basis of the culture of using information resources.
Rule “We only play together!” It is especially important because it guarantees the involvement of an adult in the game process. But most importantly, we teach the child how to play and model his attitude towards the computer. It is easier for children to cope with the irresistible desire to play more and more if they see how adults stop. Place a clock nearby and explain that the time limit is a condition of the game.
How to answer a child’s question, why limit time? At the age of 4, you can tell a fairy tale about a monkey who really loved oranges, but he overate himself and his tummy hurt. Remind that little people have not only a head and arms, which are so necessary for a computer, but also legs, a back, and a tummy. They also want to play, run, jump. Otherwise, not a person will grow up, but a tadpole with a weak body. It makes an impression on the kids! Queue up outdoor games and computer games. Children love both and easily switch from one interesting activity to another.

It is better to limit your time with technology, despite the tears and quarrels!

How to get up from the computer and go to bed?

The time is far from childhood, and you still sit and look at this monitor, as if all the secrets of the universe are being revealed there... Every day when you get behind the car, you forget about business and important meetings, and as a rule, this does not turn out for you the way you would like to see. What to do and how to avoid this? We read and remember. First of all, you need to create small list tasks for today, failure to complete which will lead to unexpected consequences (for example: you don’t have bread at home.

Today a young mother is independent woman, who has learned to juggle motherhood, work and education, as well as find time to meet friends while keeping herself in good shape. New technologies come to her aid, which are designed to make life easier for parents in their daily responsibilities. To get everything done in 24 hours and allow yourself to relax or devote time to your favorite hobby, you need to have planning skills. Anna Lobanova, young mother and director of the department.

We announce the results of the drawing competition!

We announce the results of the drawing competition! We are pleased to inform you about the results of the children’s drawing competition on the theme “Me and My Clinic,” which was held at the Children’s Clinic of the Literary Fund from December 8, 2015 to February 28, 2016. The children drew and the adults summed up the results. It was incredibly difficult to determine the winners, as each children's drawing unique and beautiful in its own way. Children's creativity is a magical world in which there is no place for competition. Armed with the competition regulations, competent.

Performance "Andersen's Fairy-Tale World"

The Fairytale House Museum-Theater invites schoolchildren to a magical interactive performance " Fairytale world Andersen." Snip-snap-snure... and you find yourself in a world of magic, wonderful transformations and brave heroes. While returning fairy-tale objects to their place, the children will meet the tiny and kind Thumbelina, Ole Lukoye, who evokes fairy-tale dreams, the brave and loving Tin Soldier, the romantic Princess and the Pea and many other heroes of Andersen's fairy tales. The guys together with the storyteller or.

I was able to get my husband back

Due to the nature of my employment, I spend quite a lot of time communicating with women, either real or virtual. I heard countless stories about failed relationships, broken families, scumbag husbands and bitchy lovers. At the same time, I never tried any of the situations on myself, it always seemed that this punishment would blow me. But alas. When my husband left me, I experienced a whole storm of indescribable emotions. At first I couldn’t believe it for a long time, then I felt terrible.

She offended her lover at the right time. How to be?!

Yesterday I had a fight with the soup over the cottage, then I made a stupid joke in a text message to my lover, and he was offended by me. 🙁 I apologized via SMS, then I called, picked up the phone and said that “my jokes are stupid and they won’t forgive me so quickly.” I sent about 10 more SMS with an apology, but no response. Neither " Good night", nor " good morning“, as usual, they didn’t wish it for me. And I need extra tonight. to pick up the equipment at exist.ru, and tomorrow morning to buy the car that he wanted to give me, he had already paid 50 tr in advance.

but don’t go too far (I speak from my experience).

Already apologized - enough.

They promise to give the car back on Tuesday! Ugh three times! :R

Thanks everyone for moral support, useful tips and funny comments! :***

How much time does your child spend on the computer? How does computer addiction occur in children, and how to solve the problem? Tips for caring parents.

Real parents and virtual children. Is the computer good or evil?

A computer today is a child’s best friend; if previously children played hockey in the winter and football in the summer, today everything has been replaced by computer games. Your three-year-old child can easily register his grandfather on Odnoklassniki, even if the grandfather himself is an engineer and knows first-hand what technology is. What's the matter? The simplest answer: the whole mystery is that the volume of the child’s brain increases, which means the child’s needs and capabilities increase. About whether a computer is harmful.

We have to keep up with the times, now we can’t do without it!

CHILD and COMPUTER. How to turn a trap into a “door to the future”?

Should I worry if my child has been sitting at the computer from an early age? How to ensure that the virtual world does not replace the real one? What are the dangers and benefits of computer games? For how long at what age is it better to allow children to watch the monitor without harming their health? Let's figure it out together with the program " Kids time"at [link-1]. And in conclusion, we ask you to pay attention to how “obsession” with the computer can be turned to the child’s benefit: Let the “smart box” become just a convenient tool.

Speech in a 2.8 year old child

Please share your experience, who has children aged 2.8 years (we were born in January 2011) who already speak well, i.e. constructing sentences and pronouncing hissing consonants, 2 consonants in a row (ELEPHANT, for example), the letter P? And how did you manage to achieve such results? Or was it just good genetics and it was easy? My daughter repeats simple words like WAGON, OWL on request, on her own initiative - no way. And our longest proposal so far is BABA ANI’S HOUSE HERE (we’re going to a consultation with. the other day.

How to return your husband's love? (Question - answer from a psychologist)

My husband and I lived for 6 years in civil marriage. Now he left me because he found out about my relationship during the period when we had a break in our relationship.

Mini-garden for children from 3-6 years old

Family kids club“The House of Wizards” presents a Mini-Garden for children aged 3-6 years. When our kids grow up and develop, the world becomes more and more interesting for them every day. It’s good if the good Fairy and her tireless helpers are nearby, for whom there are simply no secrets in the world! Together with your loved ones fairy-tale characters And professional teachers your kids do whatever they want and always benefit their development! So that every lesson is fantastic.

Without hesitation, I used the proposed methods to return my beloved man. I had nothing to lose, I had to get him back. When I first started following the advice and instructions, it seemed to me that everything was standing still, there was no movement, but that was just the beginning. Changes were taking place in my life, and I was changing before my eyes... The man I loved radically changed his opinion about me, he became thoughtful. The main thing was not to ruin everything, being glad that he wanted to return. How.

Children's coloring pages online

Children's coloring books online, of course, will not replace all the sensations that a child experiences when he paints real coloring books with pencils, felt-tip pens, or especially paints. But in modern world, probably there are no such families anymore where there is no computer, which means the child will still constantly show his interest in it. Therefore, online coloring books are probably what you should start with when introducing your child to a computer. These are harmless games that will help a child's development.

A bedtime story is a special world of relationships between parents and children.

Now I really like to read, but I don’t remember when I fell in love with reading. Definitely not at school. At school I was constantly interested in something else. True, they didn’t read to me as much as I did to my children. Or so it seems to me. In short, I don't remember. In general, until I was 10 years old, I don’t remember my childhood well - only isolated passages. I remember that in high school I was obsessed with Shklyarsky, Dumas and Verne. But I started reading voraciously after college. I read everything in a row: what I didn’t finish reading at school - because this knowledge is really valuable.

Window protection! The safety of children at home is the main task for loving parents!

Read on our blog: latest relationship stories, interesting recipes, advice and just life stories.

Our adopted daughter is ruining our lives. I want to return.

It’s as if we’re leaving ourselves an escape route, but how can you get your child back after 2.5 years at home? Many people around us don’t even know that she is not ours. Well, maybe someone will find words of support and consolation. And even better, real advice.

How to distract a child from computer games (part 2 - article continued)

Together with counselors - students aged 18-25 years old, children learn new things, begin to be interested in the most ordinary (such as football, art, vocals, guitar) or completely unusual (poi, geocaching, testoplasty and pottery, Chinese language and feng shui) sports and creativity. The counselor, as an authoritative adult, not only shows by his example interest in a particular activity, but also explains the meaning and usefulness of each subject, its possibility practical application in life. And the most important thing.

I would really like to send him to your camp. He is interested in a lot of things, roller skates, a skateboard, a bicycle and a scooter, he is developed and seems smart, but how he does everything is more like games.

Based on your experience, will your son be interested in camp without his favorite toys? To be honest, even the goal is to distract him from the monitor at least for a while, maybe he will be drawn into real life?

How to distract a child from computer games (part 1)

How to interest a child so that he does not play computer games, PSP and mobile phones day and night? Almost all modern parents face this problem. In the 70-80s there were no computers and mobile phones, but there weren’t many sports and creative sections, and not every parent could afford to participate in them. However, it seems to us that we were completely different children then... more sociable, more open, more independent and purposeful. We.

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“How to protect your child from computer addiction”
Goal: psychological education of parents on the problem of computer addiction.
Form of delivery: information message.
Participants: parents of 2nd grade students.
Preparatory work: multimedia presentation on the topic “How to protect your child from
computer addiction."
Introduction.
PROGRESS OF THE MEETING
Good evening, dear parents! The topic of our meeting today is children and
computer addiction.
Main part.
Just 10 years ago in our country we could not even imagine how much this problem
will be relevant today. And every year the relevance of this problem only
growing. Modern children seem to be born with the ability to use a computer.
In the virtual computer world you can easily become anyone. There is no need for this
make a lot of effort, no need to follow adult rules, no need to hide aggression.
You just need to “download” the game. Any fat girl can become a top model, but a puny one
the boy is a superhero. And all you need is a computer and a hundred rubles for a new game. And if
The computer is connected to the Internet, then the possibilities become completely limitless. TO
Unfortunately, there are also problems... On the one hand, the virtual world provides huge
opportunities, today it turned out to be, in fact, the main source of information.
On the other hand, psychologists and doctors talk about the emergence of a new disease - computer
dependencies. Computer addiction is a problem that everyone is trying to fight
world. American scientists first started talking about it in the early 80s. And in Russia doctors
have been dealing with gambling addictions for the last 78 years. And every year the problem becomes more acute. Children
and adults play computer and telephone games, visit Internet cafes and gaming
clubs. The production of games for computers and phones is a powerful industry, and, to
Unfortunately, our children inevitably fall into its web.
Why does computer addiction form?
First and necessary condition formation of any dependence - a feeling of internal
anxiety and dissatisfaction. There are two ways to get out of a state of anxiety: a person either
becomes aggressive, or strives to “go away” into alcoholism, drug addiction, religious sects
and finally into the game... In a computer game, a person can simultaneously “throw out” his
aggression towards virtual characters and to hide from the joyless reality for him. But
Where does increased anxiety and dissatisfaction come from? Often the reason is
problems in the family, misunderstanding between parents and child, “abandonment” of children,
excessive demands that adults place on children.
The second condition for the formation of gambling addiction is pleasure. What would a person believe?
Whether playing toy soldiers or shooting games, adrenaline rushes during the game. And if he

studies and other interests. The computer can provide children with endless possibilities.
for creativity: editing photos, editing your own films, writing
music and books, communicate with foreigners. The main thing here is to interest and teach.
 Fourth: “How beautiful this world is, look!” Try to develop others in your child
interests other than computer games. Sections and studios can be of any orientation,
the main thing is that some kind of interest appears in the child’s life, be it theater, space or
dinosaurs, whatever! Be sure to go with the whole family to the theater, museums, cafes, go out
to nature, visit other cities to recharge yourself with new impressions and stock up on
pleasant memories.
Final part.
The psychologist answers parents’ questions and conducts reflection.

First, it is important to understand that it is not the computer itself that causes addiction, but the games your child plays.

The computer is ordinary thing for modern children. You can watch cartoons, do creative work, read, etc. in it. If children spend too much time looking at the screen, they may simply not have enough attention or have no other entertainment options. What child wants to sit on the computer when he is invited to an amusement park or play ball?

Secondly, not all video games are addictive. There are a large number of educational and exciting computer games that children like, but at the same time leave them indifferent enough to the computer so as not to beg their parents ten times a day to “pass only one level.”

What games are not highly addictive for children?

First of all, these are games that have a storyline and its logical conclusion. When the game ends, interest in it disappears.

The most entertaining games are arenas, sandboxes and simulators. Children should not play such games. For example, Dota 2, Minecraft and The Sims have captivated millions of people around the world. Sometimes it’s hard to pull adults away from such toys, let alone the child’s still fragile psyche. It is unlikely that in this situation you will be able to do without hysterics.

Children should not be allowed to play computer games with open world(free movement around the map) and great freedom of action. They take a long time and are mainly designed for repeated playthroughs. Such a game can also cause addiction in a child.

The most the best option for children aged 7 to 15 years – these are quest games for all ages. These games can be played by the whole family and their duration is short.

What to do if your child has a computer addiction

First of all, you need to make it clear to the child that in the world, in addition to entertainment, there is also work. And the children’s job is to study well and do their homework.

Spend more time with him. Do what he likes most besides games.

If necessary, introduce an incentive system. For completed homework - so many minutes of playing on the computer. For excellent grades in the quarter - a new game on computer. The main thing is that the child strictly observes the time limits set by you, otherwise all efforts will be in vain.

If all else fails, you should consult a specialist.

Remember, spending long periods of time playing computer games for people with an unformed psyche leads to very serious disorders, especially in preschool age.

The danger of computer game addiction among teenagers is being talked about more and more often today, and disappointing statistics are cited. What should parents do if their teenager cannot be taken away from the computer?

Signs of computer game addiction

Today, almost all teenagers play computer games, and in most cases this is a completely harmless hobby. You cannot deprive a child of this pleasure as a preventative measure. But, nevertheless, addiction to computer games, unfortunately, is not a myth. You should be alarmed if a child regularly spends more than 5-6 hours playing at a time, becomes irritable, aggressive and literally cannot find a place for himself, or falls into hysterics if there is no way to continue playing. Especially alarming symptom– if a teenager skips school to play computer games. You also need to take action if spending a long time at the computer begins to negatively affect the child’s health - vision decreases, increased fatigue, migraines, and problems with the gastrointestinal tract appear.

What is important for parents to know about the causes of computer game addiction?

Faced with similar symptoms, first of all, do not panic, and do not rush to blame and punish the teenager.

Addiction to computer games is the same disease as addiction to alcohol and drugs. Bans alone won’t fix anything, and the best way to combat it is prevention. That is, if a wide range of interests has been formed since early childhood, there are various hobbies and interests, the child is actively involved in sports - all this will help reduce the risk of addiction. After all, any addiction is a form of escape from the world. And if a teenager is interested, he feels confident in this world, surrounded by understanding loved ones, then he has no need to escape into a fictional world. Escape to a fictional world is a signal of psychological distress.

It is important for you to identify and eliminate the cause - what the child is running away from and what he is looking for in the fictional world. Is he trying to throw out excess aggression, or wants to cope with a hidden grudge, or perhaps compensates for his failures in real life by deftly dealing with drawn monsters?

You can, of course, throw away the computer, but the true cause of psychological problems will not go away, and most likely, addiction will take another form - a more dangerous one: alcohol, drugs.

Trust the help of a specialist

Addiction is a serious psychological problem, and it is often difficult for parents to cope with it alone. They do not always have the necessary experience and psychological knowledge. Therefore, it is better to seek help qualified specialist who can identify the root cause of a teenager’s difficulties, and together with him and you will help you find an effective way to overcome addiction.

Video on the topic

Tip 3: Computer addiction in a teenager, what to do?

Computer addiction among teenagers is one of the most common problems. How can parents deal with this disease?

Instructions

If you discover that your child is under the influence of computer addiction, do not ignore the problem. Realize the seriousness of the matter, be patient, because fighting this disease takes time and effort.

Direct prohibitions, strict violent methods, threats and ultimatums will not help. Therefore, you should not angrily pull out the cord from the outlet and threaten to throw your computer out the window. The teenager will also react aggressively and openly protest, which will lead to constant conflicts in the family.

Addiction to online games, and the Internet in general, is becoming a real epidemic, what is it - a pandemic, infecting an increasing number of so-called “home children” and turning them into zombies.

Today, on the psychological website, you, dear visitors, especially parents, will learn how to protect children from computer addiction, from online games, and in general, from Internet addiction.

Computer addiction in children from online games

Why is it formed computer addiction in children, developing into an even more dangerous addiction - from online games? ...Exactly right - from large number repetitions and prolonged “freezing” of the child on the computer and online.

Why do children “stick around” at the computer for a long time and play games for hours, including extremely harmful ones? Online Games? That's right - because their parents allow them to do it.

Why do parents allow their children to surf the Internet and play games? No, not necessarily because they are bad and not loving parents and they don't care about mental development your child - as long as he doesn’t interfere...

Perhaps because the parents are too busy with their lives and everyday life; perhaps because they do not know how dangerous the influence of computers and Internet games is for the child’s psyche; perhaps because parents do not understand and are not aware of how important it is for development a full-fledged child REAL communication with parents and peers; and perhaps because parents do not know at all the inner life of their child: his experiences, his interests and dreams, his needs and desires...

One way or another, no one belittles the rights and great responsibility of parents for the proper upbringing of their children, for what kind of adult the child will grow into, what kind of person he will be.

How computer and gaming addiction develops in children

Computer and gaming addiction has not yet been studied much, but it has all the similarities with other types of human addictions - in this case, psychological addiction.

Besides that computer addiction in a child is formed as a “bad habit”, i.e. due to repeated and long repetitions, i.e. frequent and long games and meetings on the Internet, but the main thing is that gaming addiction, especially from online games, is formed from the illusory, virtual satisfaction of one’s basic, subconscious needs and desires.

Namely, the need for communication, self-disclosure, self-actualization, raising self-esteem, consolidating the I-position, self-affirmation, self-identification... etc. and so on.

Those. everything that should be satisfied in a child in real conditions, through communication and interaction with parents (primarily with parents) and with peers, begins to be illusorily satisfied in the computer, in online games and in social networks…

As a result, a disruption occurs in the child’s perception, a confusion between the real and virtual worlds. He can perceive the real world in the same way as the fictional game world, and behave in accordance with the laws of the game - for example, think that he has several lives.

The human brain is just an organ, a very complex and little-studied organ. And the human psyche, or soul, is, relatively speaking, software that processes our perception of reality, reflects reality and regulates our thinking, emotions and behavior.

In the process of development and upbringing, the child’s brain perceives various information through the senses, and the psyche processes it. And if the brain is constantly given fictitious information, then psychologically the person will perceive it as real, real.

The task of parents is not only to feed and dress the child, but also to correctly “program” the child’s psyche.

What to do and how to protect your child from computer and gaming addiction

To protect their child from computer and gaming addiction, parents need to:

Firstly, do not hang out on the Internet for a long time... and if you yourself are addicted to games, this is your choice, but so that the child does not see this;
Secondly, ensure control over the child’s activities, especially the amount of time spent at the computer (tablet, smartphone, game console) playing games or other entertainment, including social networks (no more than 1 hour in a row, and no more than 3 hours in a day)
Thirdly, you need to spend as much time as possible communicating and interacting with the child, especially the parent of the same sex ( spending time together: normal games - street, sports, board games; joint viewing of films, television shows, reading books and other printed publications, followed by discussion of the plot; show genuine interest and attention to the problems, needs and desires of the child (and not with parental mentoring and criticism, but with respect for the growing personality)…
Fourthly, carefully, unobtrusively find out the child’s hidden interests, his experiences, and find out, if possible, his dreams. To do this, you need to look at what games he plays at home, what games he plays with friends, find out what books he reads, what films he watches, what music he listens to - what he is generally interested in... Children's and teenage pages on social networks provide a lot of information. BUT, under no circumstances should you break into a child’s personal space, put pressure on him, and, moreover, do not hack his social networks and phone. Do everything gently and unobtrusively, and most importantly, sincerely... with love...
And fifthly, determine the psychophysiological characteristics of the child: his temperament, character, emotionality...; see if he is too withdrawn, closed, uncommunicative - try to unobtrusively find out the reason; find out about his relationships in the group (in the classroom, in the yard...) - what is his group role; pay attention to your child’s relationship with younger children, with pets, with nature; if a child is creative: draws, sculpts, designs, composes, then you will be genuinely interested in discussing his creations...
And most importantly, no lies, double standards and inconsistencies in education...

What to do if your child has already become addicted to the computer, the Internet and games

If you observe that your child has become addicted to the computer, the Internet and games, i.e. sits for hours in front of a monitor or on a smartphone, doesn’t go out much and communicates with his peers in reality, has few friends, has become secretive and unsociable, doesn’t keep secrets with you, his performance at school has worsened, gets angry if he’s taken away from the computer, doesn’t hear you when he’s in game (can’t put it down)…and other suspicious behavior and reactions…

The first thing you need to know is to under no circumstances put pressure on your child or do anything harsh: turn off the Internet, break the computer, forcefully pull him out of the game, etc.

In this article we will look at next questions:

Which children are most susceptible to computer addiction?
Is computer/internet addiction really harmless?
Types of addiction.
Which activities or programs on the computer/TV are good for the child and which are harmful?
Role-playing computer games and their features.
Network online games.
Rating of computer games (age classification, i.e. for what age are games suitable).

What children become addicted to computers?

Computer addiction often develops in children from wealthy families, the parents of these children are smart and attentive, children with good performance in school, erudite, intelligent. The parents of such children care about them, worry, and are sincerely concerned about what is happening to the child.

Both parents work, are building a career, and have higher education. Overall this is ordinary family with average income, where there are no observed serious problems or global troubles.

The most important thing is Lack of time parents for games, communication, activities with the child. Lack of understanding of what else a child can do, difficulties when playing with a child (parents often say “I don’t know how to play”, “It’s difficult for me to play with a child”, “I’m bored, I’m tired”).

The disadvantage of many parents is the inability to clearly and clearly establish prohibitions and rules, restrictions, explain them to the child and monitor their implementation.

In what cases is a child especially susceptible to computer addiction?

If a child starts using a computer/tablet/phone in early childhood up to 6 years old. Unfortunately, today the time for using electronic devices has shifted greatly, and children already at 2-3 years old spend a lot of time behind the screen. The earlier a child starts, the higher the risk of developing computer addiction.
Erudite children have above average intelligence. To understand games, a child must be quick-witted and smart.
Children who have a lot of free time. They are not busy after school in clubs and sections. And this free time is not structured in any way. A lot of free time on weekends, after school. But here there is another extreme: some parents overload the child very much, and he has no free time at all, he “can’t get enough rest” - he has gymnastics, a swimming pool, drawing, chess, and also studies with homework. Here we need to find a middle ground. The child should have free time, and parents should be responsible for how to structure this time
When a child has unlimited access to a computer/tablet/smartphone. Often a child can come up and take a parent’s phone or laptop without asking. In this case, it is difficult to control.
Example of parents. When mom and dad themselves spend a lot of time at the computer, the child will imitate them.

If an older child does not have good relationships with peers, if he has no friends, if he is teased, if he has some kind of complexes, difficulties in communication. Then he will go into the electronic world, the Internet, where you can communicate under a nickname, express yourself in the virtual world, and be whoever you want. As a result, instead of solving their real problems (making contacts, resolving conflicts), the child goes into a non-existent virtual world.
Children in wealthy families, when parents can afford to buy expensive computer equipment and devices, phones and expensive games. It turns out that the child is constantly surrounded by these devices. Sometimes for parents this serves as a substitute for parental attention and love, for which they do not have enough time. There is a substitution of real care and attention expensive gifts.
Boys/young men are most susceptible - they are the main consumers of computer games.

As a rule, any type of addiction in a child is formed against the background lack of warm emotional relationships in the family. When parents do not devote the child the time necessary for daily sincere participation in the child’s life, they are not interested in the state of the child’s mental world, they ask little about what he thinks and what he feels, what he dreams about and what he worries about, what really worries or worries him. When parents don't hear him.

Parents often say, “I take care of him,” but this is formal care: the child is always dressed for the weather, his clothes are clean and tidy, he has a full-fledged good food, he goes to bed on time, his homework is done. In essence, this is also care and a certain amount of attention, but this FORMAL attention.

If a child lacks the love and attention of his parents, the risk of computer addiction increases. The child receives from this some kind of substitute for parental love, pleasure, a surrogate.

Of course, parents want to be alone and want to keep their child busy. But if you do it often, a habit appears. According to surveys, many children would prefer to spend time with their parents, doing something interesting and exciting, than sitting in front of a computer or tablet.

Signs of computer addiction

Decreased interest in other activities at school, in homework, in any games and activities that were previously interesting and exciting for him. The child may say that he is bored and uninterested,
He gets angry when his parents try to impose restrictions, when he is not allowed to play or watch TV.
It's hard for him to stop. He says "5 more minutes" which lasts for hours.
When you take away your child’s tablet or laptop, he walks around the apartment, complaining that he is bored and uninterested. Maybe he should just go to bed since he has nothing to do.
When communicating, the child often talks about the game, discusses it, tries to look for information about it, read about it. Teachers may notice that the child is absent from class, daydreaming about something, and at this moment his concentration in any other activity is severely impaired. For example, he sits in class and thinks about how he will perform the next mission in the game, how he needs to get through this stage this time in order to suffer the least amount of damage.
If a child was involved in sports, he had a hobby, collecting - all this begins to fade into the background. Parents seem to be losing their child, he is losing interest in everything.
The child's perception of time is impaired. He does not feel time; he can sit at the computer all night until the morning.

Network computer games

Network games are when you constantly need to be online or you play online with other players. In this case, the child experiences enormous a sense of responsibility towards other online players, often this is some kind of clan or detachment. And the players all complete some missions together.

Network games cause the most strong addiction.

Although these games can be played alone, to achieve best results To develop your hero or open additional missions, you need to play with other players. And here the child simply “gets hooked” on such games. This type of game causes the strongest computer addiction.

Often all players must gather at the same time, online, and participate in some kind of quest. And it doesn’t matter that these players may be from other time zones, and often the differences are huge (for some it may be night, for others it may be day).

Children sometimes wake up at night, set an alarm clock and, secretly from their parents, go online and play. Why? Because if a child does not come at the appointed time to this mission with his clan, he lets down the entire team. And they cannot perform certain tasks, i.e. they won't be able to perform as well as they could with a full team. And the child has a huge sense of responsibility to other players and a feeling of guilt if he did not leave on time. This is where scandals, screams, screams arise, children simply rush to the computer and try to bargain, persuading their parents “just for a little while, at least for 20 minutes.” For parents, at this moment the child looks like a drug addict.

Bottom line: Network computer games are the most malicious. And, as a rule, children become addicted, and such games have to be dealt with harshly in order to help the child - to take drastic measures. Outside the game, the child experiences discomfort and constantly persuades his parents to let him play more.

Physical signs of computer addiction

The child is sleepy and has trouble waking up in the morning. Chronically sleep deprived, he wakes up at night to play, uses a tablet under the covers. Those. plays secretly while parents think the child is sleeping.
Attention to personal hygiene decreases (in older children) - forgets to wash or brush teeth, does not change clothes, does not take a shower, does not comb, walks unkempt, in extreme cases, he may tolerate and not go to the toilet, because at that moment there is no the ability to press pause or he plays online with other players - there may be an upset stomach and constipation.
Poor and irregular nutrition. The child skips meals or he quickly goes to eat in order to fill his stomach with something, and quickly goes to the computer.
Headaches, bad posture, the child slouches, hunches over, tension in the cervical region, in the shoulder region.
Pinched vertebrae, back pain,
Vision deteriorates due to constant intense looking at the screen, dry eyes.
Weight loss, because eats little or skips meals.
Decrease in overall level physical health when the child has no physical activity at all.
The prospect of “interacting with a screen” can make a child happy; now he will play! He is excited, his mood is high. Those. The very thought that he will soon be able to sit down to play makes him delighted.

As with any addiction, recovery can seem difficult, time-consuming, and fruitless. But you need to be patient and determined, you can’t give up while watching your child simply slide into the abyss. And for some children the most drastic measures are needed: very tight control, rules and restrictions up to and including completely erasing all games from your computer/tablet/phone.

While the child is still under your control, you can use your power. Unlike an adult who cannot be controlled or prohibited from doing anything. Remember that your right to raise a child dries up every year. Therefore, there is no need to wait for something - you need to act now, without putting it off for a long time.

Having found the right approach to the child, you can restore friendships, trusting relationship with it, good grades at school and academic performance will return, new goals will appear, interest in other activities, hobbies, past hobbies can become interesting again. BUT! This is provided that the parents help the child cope with addiction. They won’t just scold and ban, but they will act.

Useful activities on the computer

In total, there are 3 main areas of computer use:

Cognitive – learning something new on the Internet, on TV these are programs about animals, scientific series, about travel, research, historical events.
Gaming.
Communicative - social networks, icq, skype.

You should try to teach your child to use a computer. not for entertainment purposes, but for educational purposes. Therefore, when choosing games, it is better to give preference to educational, educational games if your child still plays. And watch only educational programs on TV.

Role-playing computer games

Role-playing computer games are when a child must take on the role of a computer character, immerse himself in the atmosphere of the game, and play as if he were this character in reality. Those. being a certain hero, he performs certain missions and tasks in the game.

The role-playing game is structured in such a way as not to cause motivation based on excitement in the person playing (for example, to accumulate more points or move to the next level of development), the most important thing for a role-playing game is maximum adaptation to the role of a computer character and completing missions. Often more and more new worlds open up, and the child is simply drawn into this imaginary fantasy world.

There are 3 types of role-playing games:

First person view, on behalf of your character. Maximum child immersion in virtual space. After just a few minutes of play, the child completely loses touch with the real world, he is immersed in this role and in the critical seconds of his hero’s life he can jump, scream, turn pale, blush, fidget in his chair, and dodge blows.
Third person view when a child sees his computer hero from the outside. The child also plays for this character, but he sees him from the outside: there is a silhouette and he walks, the child sees him completely. The involvement in such a game is a little less compared to a first-person game. But the failure and death of the character affects emotional state child: his mood deteriorates and he may be very worried.
Playing as a leader, when the player controls his subordinates and other computer characters. A child can play the role of a special forces commander, an army commander, or a head of state. In this case, the player does not see his own individual character on the screen, but he sees his subordinates, invents a role for himself, etc.

From any type of role-playing games, when a child is asked to take on a role, it is very difficult for him to break away and leave the game. It begins to seem to him that the real world, full of events and adventures, is inside a computer game, where he can fully realize himself, kill whoever he wants, beat him, and maybe be a winner.

The child begins to realize all his goals in the game, and not in real life, in communicating with people, with peers.

Real life competes with computer life and may seem boring and colorless to a child. The child may even dream that he lives in this virtual game.

Rating and classification of computer games

Any computer game has a certain classification and age rating. It is installed by the ESRB company in the USA, and it also develops the criteria by which a game is assigned a particular rating. And this rating can be seen on the game box.

EC – for children from 3 years old.
E – for children from 6 years old
E10 – for children over 10 years old.
T – for teenagers from 13 years old.
M – from 17 years old. The game contains scenes of violence, blood, sexual content, obscene words and expressions.
JSC - from 18 years old. The game has long and brutal scenes of violence, sex scenes, naked characters, etc.

Unfortunately, children today play with everything they can. And if there is uncontrolled access to the Internet, children play both “18+” games and games for adults.

Parents, remember that you are not fighting your child, but his addiction. A child is someone you love, someone you worry about, root for with all your heart, someone you won’t allow to become dependent before your eyes.

But computer addiction will not just go away. She will recognize you as her enemy, will be extremely resilient and resourceful, will try to go on the offensive and will defend herself against you in order to win.

For example, addiction may convince you that this is normal, all children sit at the computer, now children play with tablets from the cradle, everyone does it. Or the parents will be deceived: by at least, child at home, not on the street, no one knows where, no one knows with whom; so what if he plays for hours, but he doesn’t hang out with bad companies, doesn’t buy beer and cigarettes.

Addiction can blackmail you, use your emotions against you: “you don’t love me, you don’t understand, I’ll be like a sucker”; “Why is it possible for everyone, but I can’t?” “You don’t care about me! Do you understand me! I will never forgive you!

Parents, just say to yourself - it’s not my child who’s talking, it’s the gaming addiction that has consumed him that’s speaking in him, I’m helping my child, he needs help, and now it’s his addiction that’s arguing with me, not him.

Set rules and limits

Parents need to set certain restrictions and prohibitions. For some, it is more convenient to postpone the games to the weekend and do it in a limited time. It is better to enlist the support of relatives who take part in raising the child (grandparents).

Before talking with your child, you must draw up an action plan for yourself, understand what you want to limit the child to (how much time he will play, on what days, under what conditions).

How much time is safe for a child to spend in front of a computer/TV?

6-8 years – no more than 30 minutes a day.
9-12 years – no more than 1 hour.
13-17 years old – no more than 1.5 hours.

Weekend rule. Create conditions so that the child thinks that playing on a computer is it's a privilege, not a right. And this privilege will only be available on weekends, for example. At first it won’t be easy, but then the child will get used to it, because you can’t play during the week.

As a result, the number of stressful moments when you remind your child every day that it is time to stop playing will decrease. If a child breaks the weekend rule, you warn him that he will be banned from playing on the computer for the next weekend.

What and how to fill your child’s free time?

When replacing the time your child spends in front of a computer screen, be prepared that this is not at all what your child needs. It is important here that the alternative to the computer is interesting to the child, he wants to do it, and he gets pleasure from it.

For small children:

Board games “Scrabble”, “Monopoly”, “Battleship”.
Games for logic, memory and attention, puzzles. You can go to the store together with your child and choose a game.
Trips to the theater, exhibitions and cinema, visit interesting places that will be of interest to him.
In a bookstore, let your child choose a book for himself. If he is small, choose the book that you will read to him. If you are older, let him choose.
If buying books is not possible, go to the library with your child. Choose some books with him, do not forget to explain that “we will read and return the books back.”
Invite your child to invite someone to visit. Organize leisure time so that children come to see your child more often: classmates, children from the same yard. In this case, there should be a rule: do not play on the computer, do not watch cartoons.
Playing cards is much better than sitting at the computer.
Interesting clubs or sections: sports, acting, floriculture, swimming, chess, technology, acrobatics. Talk to your child about what he wants to do and choose a section together. Go to a trial lesson with him and see how he behaves.

For older children:

Paintball in entertainment centers, if you don't want to go out of town. For a child, this is real interaction with other children, physical activity.
Passion for photography. Give your child your old camera and teach it how to use it. Or buy him an inexpensive simple soap dish. If he likes it, sign him up for a photography course.
Acting course: develops speech, the ability to behave, not be afraid of crowds, and speak well in front of people.
Sports sections: football, basketball, rock climbing.
Exhibitions of cars, motorcycles, and other equipment - for boys.
New entertainment - interactive quests. Found in large cities.
Thematic exhibitions, unusual museums, mirror labyrinth; a room in which everything is upside down.
Game on musical instruments: guitar, piano.
Martial arts, martial arts.
If a child is very interested in computers, then web design courses, an apprenticeship in computer repair.

It is important not only to send the child “Go, find something to do,” but parents should help him see how many interesting things there are around there is, and give the opportunity to choose.

Try to include the whole family in many activities and games to bond. For example, you can all watch a family movie together.

Just take the poster and see what interesting events take place in your city. Get your children used to going to the theater. You can take teenagers with you to adult performances.

Keep the computer away from your child

Rearrange your computer the child to another place in the apartment, which is in full view of adults, to observe. At the same time, the child begins to spend less time in front of the monitor screen. The same applies to electronic gadgets (smartphone, tablet) - the main thing is that the child is not left alone with them in his room.

If there are two computers in the house, one should be for entertainment, the second – strictly for study (there should be no games, videos, cartoons and other entertainment content, blocking social networks). In this case, parents do not have to worry that the child is not doing homework or sitting in contact + your child will not be distracted while doing homework.

Any entertainment, games on the computer and TV comes only after the child has done his homework. At the same time, the child should have free time after school, when he can rest and relax.

Family responsibilities and computer

It's very good when playing on the computer is associated with household chores. Many parents believe that while the child is small, he acts as a child and should not do anything around the house. But household chores help him feel included in the family, feel his contribution to family life. And household chores (taking out the trash, washing the dishes after yourself, laying out shoes in the hallway, cleaning, vacuuming) will help structure the child’s leisure time after school. And his reward is playing on the computer/watching TV.

Consider what household chores your child can do after school. And until he does them, he won’t be able to play or watch TV.

Don't tell your child about household duties, it’s better to let him contribute his contribution into family life. And constantly making his contribution to the family (for example, cleaning) guarantees him the opportunity to surf the Internet or play on the tablet.

Computer time and grades

How to connect time playing on the computer and grades at school? Knowing how your child learns and what he is capable of, talk to him: if you study normally, you can spend a little time on the computer.

If the child bad behavior at school, constant reprimands, make an agreement with him: if you have even one reprimand during the week, you don’t play on the computer.

Those. assessments are an additional option to make adjustments to sitting at the computer/tablet/in front of the TV.

Parents, be reasonable and adequate here. Set rules based on your child's actual abilities.. If you set the bar too high for a child, which he cannot achieve, the child will simply harbor a strong grudge against you.

You can't reward someone for good grades with a computer. A child does not get good grades for some money; computer games are the wrong motivation. He gets A's simply because he should be pleased to feel competent, to be glad that he succeeded, to feel inner pride that he is making progress.

But when we start attaching various “bonuses” to good grades, we place the wrong emphasis. A computer is a privilege, and a child may lose it if he does not fulfill any terms of the contract or does not cope with his studies.

Invite your friends and children home more often. After all, a child turns to a computer when he is bored and has nothing to do. Organize interesting leisure time. Sometimes you can be allowed to play on the computer with friends, but for a limited amount of time, also tell your child about this in advance: friends came to visit not to stare at the monitor, but to chat.

Rules for handling tablets and smartphones

The tablet cannot be taken to school. It is better to give a simple phone only for calls.
Do not connect the Internet to your phone so as not to download everything.
A tablet or smartphone cannot be kept in your child's room at night, and you must ensure this.
You cannot take it with you outside if you go for a walk. Just a regular phone to call your parents.
Do not use TV or telephone while eating. Otherwise, all the child’s attention is directed to the TV, the food is poorly chewed, poorly digested, the child loses interest in food - he simply swallows the food, not understanding what he is eating.
Don't play games at school.

Reality break

It is impossible for a child to sit for hours at a computer or tablet. It is advisable to take short breaks every half hour or hour. Your task is to prevent your child from completely going into this computer trance, when he has absolutely no sense of time and loses touch with reality.

Such a break, for example, will help the child understand that 30 minutes have passed and only half an hour remains to play. The break serves as a reminder that his time on the computer is half over.

Action Plan for Parents

Here are some examples of rules for a child that you draw up for yourself and discuss with all family members.

Mass online gaming is prohibited. They are very addictive.
Role-playing games, in which you need to shoot at people are prohibited.
Current and new games must be age appropriate as determined by game ratings. It is best that the child cannot download games himself.
I won't promise what I can't deliver.
I will help the child follow the rules by warning him 5 and 1 minute in advance. For cartoons, it is better to navigate not by time, but by the number of cartoons, so as not to interrupt watching in the middle. And when the cartoon comes to an end, it is important to tell the child that now the third one will end, and you will not watch any more cartoons, because we agreed so.
I will speak in a calm and respectful tone. Otherwise, the child will begin to argue, argue, swear, and yell.
The number of hours spent on the computer will decrease every week (for those children who currently play for many hours). After 4-5 weeks, computer activities will be limited to 1 hour per day. Then it is easier for the child to adapt to the new regime, so that there is no emotional shock and a feeling of global injustice.
Use of the computer is permitted only after completion homework and doing household chores. Determine which ones.
The child must have good academic performance. More than 3 triples per week will lead to temporary deprivation of the computer that week.
The computer will not be allowed on Sunday evening.
The computer will be allowed on the following days: write yourself what days these are.
The computer will be allowed in these places in the apartment: in the kitchen, living room, etc.
The “Two for One” rule will apply to the amount of time the child uses the computer in excess of the norm. For every 5 minutes of extra time, the child loses 10 minutes the next day. This rule is used when they cannot install a “parental control program” on the computer.
I will use programs that will help me control my child's computer access and game content. These are parental control programs.
A child may have a computer “for homework” and a “gaming computer.”
All play equipment will be removed from the child's bedroom and room.
If the child follows the rules for 1 month, he will receive a reward. Write which one.
If these rules are not followed, a complete ban on gaming will be considered. Perhaps a child, in the face of “danger,” will choose to follow the rules rather than the prospect of being left without a computer at all.

Contract with a child for using a computer

Before drawing up this contract with your child, talk to all adult family members that they agree to abide by it.

This contract will help you formulate rules and prohibitions for the child, set priorities, spell out all the rules and convey them to the child so that he hears and understands.

When a child sees rules written on paper, it has a much stronger effect on him than if you just say it.

You must be sure that the child correctly understood all the rules, so that later he does not say, “You didn’t tell me that...”

1) The computer is allowed to be used (on what days)_____________ ____________________.

2) You can be at the computer (how much time) per day.

3) The computer can be used after:

a) homework done,

b) household chores,

c) the room has been cleaned.

3) Games that you can’t play____________________.

4) The computer cannot be taken outside, to school or on a visit.

5) If friends come to visit, you can play with them for as long as you are usually allowed to play per day.

If you violate these rules, then:

1) The “Two for One” rule - for every 5 minutes of allotted time on the computer, you lose 10 minutes of computer time the next day.

2) For playing at the wrong time, in in the wrong place, if certain conditions are not met, you lose the opportunity to use the computer the next day (or several days).

3) Also, if the violations are repeated, you lose the opportunity to watch TV, eat sweets (and other possible consequences).

4) If during the week (month) you follow the rules, then you will receive a reward___________

5) If you fail to follow the terms and conditions, then we will consider the possibility of a complete ban on any games.

Parent's signature _______________________

Child's signature _______________________

Writing a contract is a way to test whether a child is able to follow the rules.

How to talk to a child?

Use “I messages” instead of attacking. Those. when you say from yourself: “I’m worried”, “I don’t really like it”, “I hate it when you...”, “I worry when you spend a lot of time on the computer.” As soon as we say “You,” the other person closes off from us and begins to defend himself and make excuses. It’s better to talk about yourself, how you love your child, how you worry about him.
Have a heart-to-heart talk. Say that you really want to understand what the child gets there that he doesn’t get in real life.
Ask if he has any dreams? Does he have any desires? Does he want to go somewhere, go somewhere?
And that’s why you care: “I know you won’t like this, and you will be angry with me and perhaps resist. But my dad (mom) and I decided (I made a decision) that we will now have certain rules according to which you will study at the computer. I want to discuss these rules with you. They will come into force on next week».
Don't get involved in arguments or making excuses in front of your child. In fact, he doesn't want to hear you and understand the reasons. He is looking for some weak arguments that can be challenged, and for which weak spots you can get caught in them.

In general, try to keep your answer something like this:

1) Accept his feelings, say out loud how he feels: “I understand that you are angry,” “I understand that you are upset now,” “I understand that you don’t like these rules.” At the same time, you do not need to seek understanding from the child in what you are doing. This will not happen, children do not like to be limited in something that they love very much.

2) Tell him you care about him and have his best interests at heart: “I love you and have your best interests at heart,” “I'm doing this because I care about you,” “I have to do what's best for you. Maybe this is hard for you to understand right now. Someday you will be able to understand me."

3) Now we have the following rules in our house (list the rules). Inform in detail about the rules, show your child the contract and sign it.

If the rules and agreements do not “work”, a ban has to be applied:

3) Eliminate all games from your home.

You may want to consider banning all video games from your home. No computer games in any form. No game consoles. No portable systems. You remove the game from the computer, yourself or with the help of a specialist who understands this.

10 golden rules for parents

To summarize, let's look at 10 basic rules for parents - how to help their child cope with computer (gaming) addiction.

Every day, find time for your child to talk, play, tell how the day went, what interesting things happened. Ask him what worries him, what concerns him, what problems there are at school.
Fill your child's free time sports sections, circles. But here there is no need to go to extremes - the child should have free time for himself, for rest.
Let your child participate in family activities, such as taking out the trash, washing dishes, etc. Let him feel needed in this family, part of it. Tell him that he is your assistant, you count on him, that you feel his contribution to family affairs, that he is good at doing this particular thing. By doing this, you increase the child’s sense of self-worth and importance, and he feels more like a member of the family and is included in your family system.
Make a computer/tablet/TV use schedule with your child: how many hours a day, only after school.
State it clearly Negative consequences, if the child breaks these rules (for example, loses the TV for a week).
Let other family members be aware of these rules and under no circumstances will they indulge the child’s wishes in violation of the rules.
Install parental control software on your computer to regulate usage time. For example, some programs are already built into antiviruses (Kaspersky, Norton) - they filter web addresses on the Internet so that the child does not access sites for adults + you can block any site by address.
Discuss the rules for using the computer with your child and make sure he understands everything.
Every day, make sure that your child fulfills your requirements. And in your absence, other family members can monitor this (see point No. 6).
View the history in the browser on your computer: when and what sites your child visited, how long he sat in front of the monitor screen. If you think that some games or sites are unacceptable, then block or delete them, explaining your actions to your child.