How to behave when a child is naughty. The child is constantly naughty and crying - what to do? What to do with a capricious child
It is quite easy to distract a baby up to a year from an unwanted activity by switching his attention to something else. They jingled the keys, showed a bird in the sky - and now he had already forgotten about someone else's ball, to which he was rushing a minute ago. But with age, the level of arbitrariness of attention increases. Now the switch can only work if you suggest something more interesting. And so the parents begin to lure the baby with phones, iPads, or simply turn on the TV to somehow calm him down. Don’t do this. Don’t give your child upbringing to gadgets.
“Well, now the computer is an integral part of our life, without it, nowhere,” young parents object to this. And they are, of course, right. And yet, even an adult, after a whole day of working at a computer, feels tired and gutted. What to say about little man? A flurry of information falls upon him, which he simply cannot properly perceive and digest.
If you turn on the TV for your baby, be sure to watch the program with him. Only in this case you will be able to control what exactly and in what quantity he watches. There are great games for the little ones to develop visual memory: "Find me", "Memory". I myself use them in practice. But no matter how good they are, do not leave the child alone with the monitor, sit next to him and study with him. Then these games will benefit the baby. If all these devices are turned on only so that you do not interfere with your own business, then very soon you will shrug and exclaim: “I don’t understand where he got this from!” But this is not the biggest danger that lies in wait for a baby given up for education by electronic toys. Another thing is more terrible: the sooner he gets to know them, the more likely develop dependence on them.
Ideally, when mom comes home, the baby should throw all the toys and run towards her - because he is bored, because playing with mom is more interesting than alone. Children usually behave this way in all cases, with the exception of one - if they are busy virtual game and TV. This is where even communication with mom can lose its value. After all, when you play with your mother, with peers, you need to somehow react to another person, find mutual language, negotiate, receive, including backlash. IN computer games everything is different. "Did not work out. Try again,” the email friend suggests. Yes, on the one hand, the child does not experience stress due to the fact that something does not work out for him - there is an opportunity to improve immediately. But, on the other hand, are we given countless attempts at real life? If one day a child loses to peers in the yard, no one will give him a second chance, no one will offer to repeat it all over again. And he will not have the experience to cope with failures, lose and negotiate. And you will want to run away from this real courtyard back to the cozy computer world, where you will always be given an infinite number of chances to become a winner. And now your baby is spending more and more time with his favorite smartphone.
And when you try to take it away, it goes berserk, screams and protests. The gadget becomes the greatest value for him.
This is how addictions are formed: computer, gaming, television, and later addiction to social networks. If they arose at such an early age, it is almost impossible to get rid of them. And this main reason on which young children must be protected from electronic toys.
But let us return to the question posed at the beginning of this chapter. How to distract the child, if there is such a need? Try to do it yourself simple ways. Draw his attention to the people who pass by. If he doesn't want to leave the playground, tell him what you will do when you get home. At the same time, it is necessary that in your future plans there is something that will really interest him.
And now attention! Distraction is a technique that is very convenient to use when a child is a year or a half old. But if you continue to often resort to this trick in the future, then the baby will eventually figure out your trick, learn it and begin to use it against you. Parents describe it like this: “When I start serious conversation with a two-year-old son or ask him to drink medicine, as he starts to switch my attention to something else: suddenly he sees something interesting outside the window, or talks about extraneous things, or drops a chair on the floor, or starts complaining about his stomach. In psychology, this is called replacement behavior. Here the kid is tired, sat down on the road and does not go further. "Why did you sit down?" - "The legs hurt." In fact, the legs do not hurt, just tired and I want to be picked up. But if you tell the truth, most likely you will hear in response: “Nothing, be patient. We'll be there soon." But if you complain that your legs hurt, you will definitely be pitied.
In general, children notice very early: nothing worries parents so much as health complaints. This is where the tummies, arms, legs begin to “ache”. And if parents succumb to this trick, then by school the child already has a stable model of avoiding unwanted situations with the help of simulations. It is no coincidence that the majority of sick leave passes are in the first grade (when difficult process adaptation to school) and in adolescence(when many generally lose motivation to study). These omissions are usually accompanied by notes from the parents: “I had a stomach ache”, “felt bad”. I do not want to say that our children, in principle, never get sick. But they get sick much less often than you might think, looking at the school magazine.
To prevent such a scenario of development of events, already now, when your baby is 2-3 years old, translate his fantasies into reality, do not give him the opportunity to benefit from "physical illness". "My legs hurt." - “The legs don't hurt. You're probably just tired. We can sit on the bench for a while or just stand, and then we’ll move on.” “I won’t go to kindergarten, my stomach hurts.” - “It seems to me that you just really don’t want to go to kindergarten, but your tummy is in order. But if you want, we'll go to the doctor later."
“And if it really hurts, and we just dismiss what the baby says?” - they can ask me caring parents. And they will be absolutely right. But let's rely on common sense. Is it so difficult to understand whether it really hurts or not? Then consult a doctor, let him dispel your doubts.
Follow the routine of the day
Nothing is more beneficial for young children than stability and predictability. If you want to avoid childish tantrums and uncontrollable behavior, try to keep a daily routine. When the baby knows what he will do in the morning, in the afternoon, at lunch, the level of anxiety decreases, self-esteem increases. Why? Yes, because he becomes more independent.
I usually advise parents to draw and hang on the wall a large clock with a moving hand and pictures instead of numbers. With drawings, mark on the dial the time when the baby wakes up (spread bed and the sun), eats (a plate of porridge), walks (boots and a scoop) ... For one year old baby it will be a very simple watch. And then, as you grow older, you can draw on the dial all the new things that appear in his life. During the day, move the arrow according to real time and talk to the child about what he has to do now. This is very effective method achieve compliance with the regime without scandals and hassle. After all, small children love rituals. And if you and your child move the arrow from picture to picture, he will be happy to do what is drawn on it.
Important! If there is a regimen in a child's life, everyone without exception should adhere to it - both mom and dad, and grandmother, and the nanny.
Unfortunately, very often it happens differently: parents who strictly observe the daily routine leave the child for one day to the grandmother - and by the evening they get a disinhibited, capricious baby. Grandmother decided not to put him to bed during the day, as a result he was overexcited and very tired. Parents understand this. What does the child understand? “You can stay awake at grandma’s, watch TV as much as you like and overeat with sweets, but mom and dad always make them sleep during the day, they don’t give sweets and forbid TV.” Thus begins the game of good and evil adult, a very harmful game in which there are no winners. Everyone loses. Therefore, I strongly advise: negotiate among yourselves and act together.
Warn in advance
If you say two year old playing on the court: “We have to go home,” he will most likely answer: “I don’t want to.” And not because he really doesn't want to. It is possible that he is hungry and would like to go out to dinner. But such is the peculiarity of this age - he needs to show his independence, to defend his right to his own opinion. How to persuade him? Don't cut off abruptly. Come up and warn: “Finish. We're leaving in ten minutes." The kid still has no idea how long ten minutes last, but mentally he begins to tune in to the fact that it's time to go home. After another five minutes, come back and remind: "You have five minutes left." When you come up for the third time and say that the time is up and you need to leave, the baby will already be internally ready to finish the game and, most likely, will not argue or resist. It will be even better if you expand the action plan by adding an activity that the baby really likes. Time to collect toys. We go home in ten minutes. Let's make pies together. I'll let you knead the dough." Playing in the yard is very interesting, but making pies with mom is a great pleasure.
Suggest an alternative
If your child's favorite response to your calls is “I don't want to - I won't!”, Try not to give him direct instructions, but create the appearance of a choice. Don’t say it’s time to go for a walk, rather ask: “What tights do you want to wear today for a walk? Gray or blue? Or half an hour before it’s time to go to bed: “Are you going to bed right now or will you watch a cartoon first?” - "I'll watch the cartoon first." - "Fine. Then we go to brush our teeth, change clothes, then we watch a cartoon, and immediately after the cartoon we go to sleep.” - "Are you reading a book?" - "Then choose: a book or a cartoon." Create a situation in which the child will not blindly follow your requirements, but will be able to make decisions for himself. Of course, this is an illusion of an alternative, and an older child, and even more so a teenager, will never agree with such a formulation of the question. But for a baby of two or three years old, the measure of independence that you provide him in this way is quite enough.
In my opinion, such a way to cope, or rather to bypass the natural children's stubbornness, is much more effective than an attempt by adults to “break”, insist on their own, in a word, “overstubborn” the baby. There is no doubt that you are stronger and can make him do what needs to be done. But at what cost? Is it worth bringing yourself and the child to hysteria? You are older, more experienced, wiser. Be flexible.
Important! How younger child, the simpler the alternative should be.
Do not offer a child of one and a half to two years old a choice of more than two options. Otherwise, he will simply be confused and will not be able to make a decision.
Use the join method
The baby walks and cries. "Why are you crying?" - "Don't know. I'm just crying." “Let me cry with you too. Who is louder? - "A-ah-ah!" “And I can cry even louder.” If possible, go together to a deserted place where you can cry and scream to your heart's content. Then begin to gradually bring the child out of his sad state. “Well, everything. I'm tired of crying. I no longer have tears." And here comes to the aid of children's love of imitation. If you have connected to his state, then he is ready to repeat everything after you. Now you can tune it like a violin. You are tired of crying - and he is tired. You remembered something funny - and he, too, is ready to laugh with you.
Wise mothers often use this method: first they start crying, and then they laugh. And now the baby is already laughing out loud, forgetting about his bad mood.
The addition to the family is a great happiness for parents. When the birth was successful and the child develops according to age norms, mother is rarely worried about the capriciousness of the child. Parents cannot be overjoyed when the baby grows calm and docile. Moms and dads get used to it, and it seems to them that it will always be like this. But suddenly everything changes. The child began to act up, often cries, does not give in to persuasion. This often happens towards the end of the first year of life. Why is this happening?
Whims of children under 1 year old
To understand whether a child under the age of 1 year can be capricious, we suggest understanding the psychological characteristics of the development of the crumbs:
- neonatal crisis
The crisis manifests itself in the interval from birth to 2 months. This is very milestone in child development. And the timely emergence of a crisis is the norm. Your child should respond to the approach of an adult, make sounds (vocalizations) when communicating with his mother, and respond with a smile. Weight loss - main feature crisis.
- Infant age
This is the second stage in the development of a child up to a year. Most often it manifests itself from the second month to a year. At this time, the baby communicates through emotions. And it is important for parents to give communication great attention. Gradually, the baby pronounces the first words, studies the world through actions with objects of the environment.
Crying and babble during this period speak of the desire to establish contact with an adult. And when the child's independent speech appears, the crisis is over.
Having studied the most important psychological features children in this period of development, let's try to figure out whether the whims of a child up to a year carry something serious.
What are whims. Can a newborn baby be naughty
Vagaries are understood as various whims and stubbornness. At an early age, under the guise of a whim, the basic needs of the child and a feeling of discomfort are hidden. Sometimes, calling their baby under the age of one year capricious, mothers misinterpret the definition itself. After all, the crying and anxiety of a child at such a tender age is the only way to communicate with relatives. There are no words in their arsenal, gestures are also still weakly expressed - all that remains is to roar. And there can be several reasons for frustration. The first, natural ones - the child wants to eat, his diapers are wet, or he is cold. It is also possible that the baby asks for help when something hurts him. Caring mother help the child right away.
It often happens that a joyful and festive day, brightly spent with the baby, ends with the whims and tears of the child. He refuses to sleep, is overly agitated and difficult to calm down. Such behavior for children 10-18 months old is the result of a nervous strain that they experienced. Their tears are a natural way at this age to get rid of tension. After all noisy company, new faces, bright colors and unusual sounds - all this turned out to be stressful for the baby. Therefore, he is irritated, crying, naughty. In such a situation, it is necessary to show maximum care and patience for the child. Do not get screams and threats to make him calm down. It is better to hug the child to you, carry it in your arms, do procedures that are pleasant for him: bathe in a warm bath or have a session light massage. All this will help the baby to relax and calm down faster.
Similar worries and whims in a child can also arise in another situation, when the prohibitions of the parents come into force. For almost a year, the baby was limited by the walls of the arena or stroller, he was surrounded only by familiar things. With the development of the child, he has the need to learn new things. He did not know anything else and was satisfied with that.
Crawling and making the first attempts to get up off the floor and walk independently, he thereby expands his horizons, learns a lot of new things. Not understanding the dangers of surrounding objects, the baby explores everything with interest. He gets natural desire not only to consider, but also to feel with your hands, test for strength and taste new item. Such behavior will certainly provoke a reaction from the parents. And most often it is forbidden in the form of shouting and taking away the thing you like.
They raised their voice, took away the “swell” and even took it away from interesting place back to the arena. In this case, how can the child express his indignation and desire to continue his research in the new world? Only scream. So far, this is the only thing he can do to draw attention to himself and his natural need to learn something new. No compromises in the form of old toys or nipples suit him.
Leave the discoverer what will bring him joy. Something that can be moved, stacked into each other or will allow you to extract new sounds from objects. After all, unsightly empty boxes, lids, saucepans and ladles are much more interesting, albeit bright, but already boring toys.
Another reason for the sudden irritation of the child may be difficulties in the formation of speech. The baby is growing, and his speech does not keep up with his development. New desires to do something or attempts to convey their emotions result in lowing or outstretched hands. Parents do not understand his "hints" and do not go to help. How, apart from words, to pay attention to yourself and to the problem that has arisen? Again children's cries and whims. They can manifest themselves in the refusal of the usual bathing or use of the potty, to which the child is already accustomed. Everything that used to be pleasant for the baby and he willingly accepted it, now can cause him discontent.
The most effective tool in this situation is time. Do not scold the child for a whim and insist on your own. Give him time to forget about the unpleasant incident and after a while repeat your attempts.
Moms take note!
Hello girls) I didn’t think that the problem of stretch marks would affect me, but I’ll write about it))) But I have nowhere to go, so I’m writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method helps you too ...
How to overcome childhood whims
With all his behavior, the child shows that he expects understanding from adults. Changes in the behavior of the baby sometimes lead adults into confusion and cause a desire to immediately stop the disgrace and whims.
Whims, screams and crying are not ordinary outrages that should be stopped immediately. This is another signal of the child that he is waiting for understanding and reaction from adults. He is looking for a way to control his parents to get what he wants. IN the move is on everything: screaming, crying, biting, pulling hair, fighting. And if it works, then such behavior will become the norm, and the child will solve his problems only in this way. This cannot be allowed. And if you do not react to wrong behavior and show the baby that you will not achieve anything by whims, then he will begin to change and stop crying and acting up.
In some situations, learn to ignore the child. Sometimes it happens best solution question. A child can stop acting up and crying faster if there are no people nearby trying to calm him down. The presence of spectators and sympathizers only enhances the whims and crying of the baby. After all, even some adults like to “speak” in public, to say nothing of children.
- Many parents are mistaken, believing that the baby needs to be caressed and carried more. It is not true! Most often, children who are surrounded by excessive affection become capricious. Psychologists advise not to go to extremes. Yes, the baby needs your attention and affection, however, he must also understand that mom and dad cannot carry him in their arms all day long. They also have their own needs;
- Permissiveness and unlimitedness. From the early age the child must know the words "No", "No", "Stop" . This will be an additional incentive for the discipline of the crumbs in the future. The presence of these concepts in the upbringing will save both the baby and the parents from unnecessary whims. (We read on the topic: ) ;
- The constant attention of the elders often causes children's whims. By nature, a child cannot communicate exclusively with elders. He begins to tire of the obsessive behavior of adults. Give your little one more freedom. Let him play by himself, take a walk on the street with other mothers, chat with them. And the kids will exchange gestures and smiles with each other in the stroller;
- Do not overdo it by following the previous point. Complete absence attention will also have a negative impact on the psychological and emotional state crumbs. With cries and whims, he will demand the attention of loved ones;
- Inconsistency and lack of unity of requirements interfere with the child's adaptation to the world around him. To avoid this, negotiate with relatives about a single line of education. Watch your relationship with your child. If you allowed something yesterday and banned it today, then you need to explain to the baby why you are doing this. Regardless of the fact that he is still quite small. He will understand everything at the level of emotions.
- The most popular whim is in the evening, when it's time to go to bed. The kid can't understand why instead of interesting game football with dad he has to sleep. To make evening whims a thing of the past, cancel all outdoor games an hour before bedtime - let it be reading a book or watching a cartoon. By the way, in this case, children's programs like “ Good night, kids" - they act as a signal to sleep.
What should be the reaction of parents
For example:“Little Vova reached into the cupboard and took out a glass decanter. The kid doesn't know how to use it. Vovochka dropped the decanter. He crashed."
How to be a mom?
A bad example would be yelling and swearing at a child! It's better to do this: “Wow, I was so scared! I am very, very upset! You could get hurt, then I would cry for a long time (grimaces)! Please remember that touching my things without permission is prohibited!” The last phrase is pronounced in a stern voice, indicating the ban.
There are many such examples. Remember that the whims of the child largely depend on you. (now we are not talking about when the baby is worried about something). The most difficult in raising a child up to a year is the first month. It is perfectly normal when a newborn baby can cry and act up just like that for up to two hours a day. Do not worry, every month you will understand your baby more and more. Love your capricious baby!
From the forums: how to respond to the whims of a child under one year old?
Luba Melnik: God bless you, what whims at this age. You need to understand the child, if, as they say, such a baby is capricious, then there is a serious reason: he feels unwell, anxious, hungry.
Nellie: The child is not naughty, he either gives you a sign that he has a problem somewhere or attracts your attention, since he cannot say yet.
Alyonushka: Well, what are these whims? The child is not even a year old. he is naughty because something is bothering him. he just can't tell.
list: kiss, cuddle, carry on your arms, be with him always and enjoy everything that he does ...
Vinakova: Children under one year old are not capricious, and even more so, they do not “work for the public”! They give signals that something is bothering them. We big aunts and uncles are sometimes uncomfortable and want to cry to someone, what can we say about kids who know nothing about this world? And how to cope with what worries - of course, cry!
iris:Be patient to figure out why. After all, kids don’t do something to spite us - if she whines or is naughty, then something is wrong: she wants to eat, drink, sleep, play with her mother, something hurts, reacts to the weather, etc. Sometimes, of course, nerves they can't stand it, but you have to control yourself .... the more we are nervous and irritated, the stronger baby crying….
Lelya:I believe that it is impossible to always flow to a child. You have to give it to him and shout. When my son starts crying about the fact that he is not given or when something is forbidden, I still insist on my own. He will shout, sees and understands that he did not achieve anything with his cry and in next time already treats prohibitions more calmly. Children are very cunning and smart. Very quickly they realize that they can manipulate adults and immediately begin to use it. We must not allow the child to become the master of the situation!
Verunchik: In my opinion, a baby up to a year still does not know how to harm and play whims. If the baby is crying, it means that he is really worried about something. My son just doesn’t know how to cry out of harm, he is 1 year 3 months old.
Content:
Many parents have had to deal with unpleasant situation when a child is naughty literally out of the blue: at home, on the playground or in the store. If this happens infrequently, then there is usually no cause for serious concern, however, when tantrums become permanent, moms and dads are forced to look for answers to the questions why the child is naughty and how to deal with it. According to child psychologists, a lot depends on the age of the baby, and the whims of a child at 1 year old are significantly different from the whims of a child at 2 years old, and, therefore, they need to be dealt with in different ways.
Whims of a child from 0 to 1 year
Very young children usually show with their whims internal state discomfort. We cry, and they, as it were, give the parents a signal that not everything is in order with them, because they still do not know how to speak, and the whims of the child are the only way show that they are uncomfortable. Children's whims under the age of one year - most often this is a sign that:- the child is hungry;
- the child is cold, hot or just uncomfortable (scratchy blanket, too tight jumpsuit etc.);
- something hurts the baby;
- he is tired, but for some reason he cannot sleep.
Whims of a child from 1.5 to 2.5 years
Children's whims directly depend on the age of the child. If in the first year of life, crying and tantrums, the baby signaled problems with his physical condition, then in 1.5 years the situation changes dramatically. The fact is that at the age of 1 year (plus or minus a couple of months), babies experience their very first age crisis, one of the manifestations of which is precisely changes in behavior.Children during their first crisis begin to experience an increased cognitive need, which stimulates them to violate different rules. If the mother said not to go somewhere, the baby definitely needs to get there by any means, and the answer to another parental ban is that the child is naughty.
With the whims of a child at 1.5 years old, which are direct companions of his growing physical independence, it is quite simple to cope - you just need to remove some prohibitions. When a baby constantly hears a solid “no”, he feels that his cognitive need is not being satisfied, and this annoys him.
Also, sometimes the reason for the whims of the child is a misunderstanding of why something is forbidden for him. Many adults cannot clearly explain to their baby why it is impossible to perform any action, and they constantly repeat only a mean “no”, and naturally, in response, the baby only gets annoyed and cries. If you talk to the baby and explain to him at the level of his logic why this cannot be done, you can avoid it.
The whims of a child at 2 years old - most often this is an attempt at any cost to get what he needs. He wants new toy but mom and dad don't buy it; the baby wants to go for a walk, and the parents say it's time to go home; the baby does not want to sleep, but they put him down. The result is hysteria and tears. Often, parents of two-year-olds turn to psychologists with the question “The child is naughty, what should I do?” Without realizing that in fact the answer lies in their own methods. Most often, the reason why a capricious child at the age of 2 tries to achieve his goal lies in the fact that once mom and dad reacted incorrectly to the behavior of their crumbs and unconsciously began to indulge his whims. From here, the baby had the confidence that everything can be achieved with tears. In fact, the only thing that can really be done in this case is to calm down and try to ignore the whims of the child. Very often, the baby, seeing that tears and screams do not bring results, forgets about this technique and begins to invent new ways to achieve what he wants.
The whims of a child 3-5 years old
If a capricious child at 2 years old cannot yet be called a skillful manipulator, then in the absence of correct reaction on the part of the parents, he may well turn into one by 3-4 years. When parents constantly indulge the wishes of the baby, and fulfill all his requirements, just to stop screaming and crying, very soon the child understands that mom and dad can be manipulated. And very soon he turns into a real little tyrant. the main problem This situation is that it becomes more and more difficult to cope with a capricious child with age, and sometimes parents have to resort to the help of a professional psychologist.However, most often the cause of the whims of a child at three years old is the age at which the baby begins to feel independent personality. At this time, for the first time, children feel their own needs and desires, and they cannot immediately get used to these changes, hence their constant whims come from. They, as it were, oppose themselves to their parents, strive to do something to spite them, so psychologists advise parents to simply endure this moment. age crisis usually resolves on its own within two to three months.
The whims of a child of 4 years and older are most often associated with a protest against excessive parental care. Kids at this age tend to do everything on their own, without the help of mom and dad, so parental intervention and the desire to control every action of the child causes them a violent protest, which is expressed in tears and tantrums. Parents, in order to cope with a capricious child, need to allow him to show independence at least in some way.
Another reason why children of any age can be capricious is the lack of parental attention. This often happens when mom and dad work hard and often leave the baby in the care of grandparents, or when a second child appears in the family. The way out of this situation is not to forget about the baby and spend as much time with him as possible. If a child is naughty, what to do in each specific case, it is necessary to decide, taking into account the age of the baby and the intra-family situation.
Anastasia Tyrina
Parent meeting "Whims and tantrums of children 4-5 years old"
Parent meeting
whims(translated from French whim, whim)- pursuit children to achieve something forbidden, unattainable and impossible at the moment.
Usually whims are causeless, almost always accompanied by crying, screaming, stamping feet, scattering things.
It is necessary to note the most The main thing: whims of children 4 - 5 years of age - this is age-related negativism. The child begins to do everything in defiance. Parents lead him one way, and he goes the other. Just now he demanded an apple, but having received it, he refuses to eat it.
We offer parents give your examples.
Explanation of what's happening following:
All this is called asserting one's own "I".
Positively, the child is not yet able to assert his personality and comes from the contrary. “You are, and I am the other way around!”.
The child wants to prove that he also has his own opinion, which differs from the opinion of adults.
Of course, this period is difficult for both children, and for parents.
But it must be remembered:
* this period will soon pass;
* it is necessary to treat this period with patience and understanding (We are not angry with the child when he capricious at high temperature. Consider that your child has a temporarily increased degree of stubbornness)
Nevertheless, parents you need to know how to behave with children during this period.
We bring to your attention parents of the situation of children's behavior 4 - 5 years and formulate the rules together How to treat children whims?»
RULES:
1. First situation
The mother of 4-year-old Sasha, walking with him in the park, met a friend whom she had not seen for a long time. They started talking. Sasha almost immediately became act up pull mom by the hand words: "Well, mom, let's go!"….
What should mom do in this situation?
RULE 1: SWITCH CHILDREN FOR ACTION
Think of an activity for child: swings, roundabouts. The child will understand that you have taken care of him, paid attention to him, and will be happy to ride the carousel. And you continue the conversation. The child must know that parents also have their own business, desires.
Very often when parents came to visit, the child starts act up- draw attention to yourself. Need something to keep the child busy (puzzles, mosaics, coloring books, etc.)
2. Second situation
Marina was long-awaited child. That's why her parents cherished her, doted on her soul, indulged all her whims. Even at 5 summer age they dressed and undressed her themselves, constantly took care of the child. But at some point and parents and caregivers noticed: the child became very capricious, permanent tantrums, tears, disobedience.
Why is this happening to the girl?
RULE 2: EXCLUDING HYPERCARE IN EDUCATION OF A CHILD
Pampered, caressed children are often capricious. Excessive attention and overprotection tire the baby. The child becomes naughty, achieves his own, since there was permissiveness - "as long as the child does not get upset".
3. Third situation
Artem is 4 years 3 months old.
Artem became capricious and stubborn child . Moreover, stubbornness flared sharply and suddenly: daily tears, tantrums.
Recently in the family a girl was born. Mom devotes considerable time to the newborn Polina, because the girl born prematurely. And then there are the unreasonable Artem's whims, which "Knock Mom Out".
With this, in your opinion, are connected whims Artem and how to help a child?
RULE 3: PAY MORE ATTENTION TO CHILDREN
Modern research shows that most parents touch their children only need: helping to get dressed, get into the car. Rarely seen parent who just like that, without any reason, will hug the child, kiss, stroke him on the head.
Parents spend little time with children. The reasons may be employment parents, work, the birth of the second - third child, etc. And, as a result, the child becomes capricious- attracts attention.
4. Fourth situation
The mother of 4-year-old Alyosha every day, returning home from work, takes the child from kindergarten and goes with him to the store. And every day Alyosha arranges in the store tantrums: asks to buy one or the other, falls to the floor, screams, squeals and cries. Mom has no choice but to buy the child everything that he asks for.
How to avoid this situation?
RULE 4: IN THIS CRISIS PERIOD IT IS BETTER TO AVOID CRITICAL MOMENTS
For example, if your child rolls tantrums in the store, then exclude trips to the store with the child for this period. Go to the store without him, buy everything you need for a few days.
RULE 5: DO NOT PAY ATTENTION AND LEAVE
During hysterical, whims no slaps and cuffs, no disputes and persuasion. Tantrums and whims love"spectators". As soon as "spectators" gone - passed and hysterics.
RULE 6: DURING HYSTERIC SWITCH THE ATTENTION OF THE CHILD
In the moment tantrums a child can go to the window and pay attention, for example, to a dog in the yard, or a large car that has left the garage. As a rule, curiosity takes over, and tears dry up.
RULE 7: UNITY OF REQUIREMENTS IN THE FAMILY
Children are very observant and understand perfectly well that you have to go to your grandmother for sweets, "soda" grandfather buys, mom does not allow to climb high, and dad - vice versa.
In this world, which is still difficult for a child, it is difficult for him to figure out how to do the right thing, and inconsistency parents confuses him even more.
And the baby equally loves both mom and dad, and grandma and grandpa.
No adult raising a child should override the prohibitions of another adult.
RULE 8: BE CONSISTENT IN REQUIREMENTS FOR CHILDREN
Parents very often inconsistent in their requirements for children. For example, yesterday, a mother allowed her son to play with her favorite vase, but not the next day, because she thought that the child might break it. And the baby is not clear - “Why was it possible yesterday, but not today?”
RULE 9: BE PATIENT
Difficult at tantrums baby stay calm but be patient. Enter into negotiations when the child calms down. You can hug him and sympathize: "I'm sorry you couldn't resist", "I know you felt bad". Teach your child to express their dissatisfaction with words. Ask: "What do you feel?".
Teach your child to apologize for their actions, and next time it will be easier for him to manage himself. After tantrums tell how it upset you that he raged over a trifle. Reassure the child that you love him so that he does not feel guilty.
RULE 10: TRAIN YOURSELF TO A NEW RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILD
At this age, children want to be able to choose. They also want to decide which playground to go for a walk, who to visit. And we, adults, constantly dictate our conditions to them. If the child and I are like friends, partners, then the child is proactive, knows how to make decisions on his own. And if we suppress his will, then often such children cannot answer a single question without looking back at parents.
Conclusion: the family plays a decisive role in the development of the child, has a decisive influence on the emotional well-being of the child.
A very capricious child is an age-old problem that almost all parents in the world are familiar with. Children from a very early age, already from the first year of life, manifest their desires in different ways. And very often - through tantrums, tears, blackmail - through those very whims that are simply impossible to cope with. Why is the child naughty? What makes it so? How to get rid of this "defect" in his behavior? And in general, is it possible?
- Why does the child show his whims?
- A capricious child at 2-3 years old or at 5 years old - what will these whims lead to next?
- How to raise a capricious child? How to properly influence it?
The first whims of a child are an alarming bell for parents, signaling that educational process goes not the best in the best way. Somewhere there is a flaw, something we are doing wrong. But when whims become a way of life for a baby, it's time to sound the alarm - whims threaten to gain a foothold in life. After all, a capricious adult can grow from a capricious child.
Buy a helicopter ... - I hear a squeaky, not devoid of impudence, voice behind me. In a huge basket on wheels, among a mountain of products, a 5-year-old boy is sitting, clearly visible - a capricious, spoiled child.
I promised you to buy a helicopter if you do well. Did you work out? No. Then no helicopter, - the father answers, not paying much attention to the demands of the offspring.
I have practiced! Buy!
You didn't work out at all! I know everything, stop it, Gleb. Treaty more expensive than money, you have not fulfilled your obligations, so no helicopter.
The basket with food and the capricious child was unceremoniously unrolled and began to be removed from the children's department. And the farther, the more the squeal of the child was heard, to which tears were already mixed:
I have practiced! Engaged! Engaged! You are bad! I hate you! You are not my dad. You do not love me. Everyone has a helicopter, but I don't. Buy-buy-buy-buy-buyeeeeeeeeeeee...
Phew ... finally, the child is not heard, all the adults sighed calmly. But what I see is that after a couple of minutes, dad returns to the shelf with helicopters - he takes a toy. I'm interested and I follow him. Through a dozen racks stands his basket with a crying child, who can no longer yell at the top of his lungs, but literally suffocates with tears.
Okay, here's a helicopter for you! But it's in last time I pity you. And you, from today, begin to study twice as hard, as we agreed. Yes?
Yes, daddy. I love you more than anyone in the world!
Where did the tears go? A smile played on his face, not devoid of self-satisfaction.
For all the eyewitnesses of this incident, except for the pope, it became obvious: something, but the child will not be engaged. That's for sure.
Modern children are very smart and perceptive.. They quickly learn to use the feelings of their parents and grandparents. The whims they use in their temper tantrums often lead them to small victories. The toy was received, ice cream was bought, lessons can not be taught, but only watched cartoons, and it is not necessary to eat porridge - just so you don’t get hysterical. We hope that the main educational process is proceeding correctly, and tantrums - where without them. Everyone has been through this, and we will break through.
However, it is not. The whims of children, especially children aged 5-6 years and older, are a threat to themselves. What is the future of these whims?
Behind every, even the smallest whim from a child, there is a serious question for his parent: what to do and how to do the right thing? How to answer the child to his demand, so as to have a good influence on him?
Although it seems that the naughty child is a puzzle that needs to be approached each time with different clues, in fact, this is not at all the case. The whims of the child always follow the same scenario, and the reactions from parents to them are typical.
Who, how and why is naughty? The child is capricious - is it so?
You will be interested. Read a series of articles on parenting with different vectors ""
Generally speaking, every child always wants everything for himself. "Give" is the real first thought of any baby. This is normal human nature. Then, in the process of growth and maturation, through cultural restrictions and shame, we learn to separate what is bad and what is good, what is right and what is wrong, what is positive and what is criminal. But before that, the baby still has a very long time to grow and learn. When he turns 4 months old or a year old, 3 or 5 years old, his whole essence seems to strive to do what he wants, to receive what he wants, and vice versa, not to do what is not unpleasant. How does a child achieve all this? Differently. And very often - through whims and tantrums.
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